On the Pretentiousness of Travelers #7


Yesterday at the Louvre I saw twenty tourists taking pictures of a picture of the Mona Lisa.  It was so cute how they all obeyed the no photographing the Mona Lisa warning.  But why snap a photo of the tiny photo on the placard?  Why do people do that?  Silly tourists.  Go buy a postcard.

Today, I went into the cutest little market that sold fowl, just fowl!  Can you believe that?  Everything looked so fresh.  It almost made me want to cancel my Blue Apron subscription and cook for myself.  Why don’t we have fowl markets in the States?  I suppose we need the super-supermarkets so we can just work, work, work.  The French are just so much more civilized, yes?

Anyway, do those people who take the picture of the picture of the painting put it in a slide show?  Do they show their children?  Do they look back on the picture of the picture with nostalgia?

Well, I am sure everyone will love this picture of chicken.  It’s just so artistic, and I mean, it’s educating you, yes?

On the Seriousness of Tourists #1

Where was he?  He said he was just going to the bathroom.  How long did it take to pee?  People were staring and thinking she overpacked.  She feigned looking in her purse; she glanced up occasionally at the board to see if the train’s track had come up.


He wasn’t anywhere in sight.

For a moment, she wondered if he abandoned her here in the train station alone. He had their passports in his man purse.  He was angry that she called it a man purse.  He was angry she wanted to buy their children presents.  “They’re adults and anything here, you can buy at home.  There’s the plus side of globalization,” he said.

She ignored him and bought each of them a handmade ceramic tea cup.  The man behind the counter wrapped them carefully in newspaper.

“Now, the newspaper, now that’s probably something you don’t see at home,” he said.

“Then you keep the paper,” she said.  “Frame it for all I care.”  She made him carry the bag, too precious to pack in their suitcases.

She waited.


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